Remember that this is satire!
A special all-Power 5 Bottom 10
1. No-braska (0-3)
Its 56-10 loss to Michigan was the worst beatdown in Nebraska history since July 27, 1804, when, according to the journal of Lewis & Clark, the explorers were run out of their campsite near future Omaha by "a thick and troublesome" cloud of mosquitoes. 'Twas the 19th century ancestor of Cornhusker postgame call-in shows.
2. UCLA Boo-ins (0-3)
UCLA didn't play in Week 3, yet still failed to cover the spread, losing 21-3 to the Fightin' Byes of Open Date U.
3. Ar-kan't-saw (1-3)
Hey, who was that genius who spent all spring telling everyone that the Hogs made college football's best sneaky offseason coaching hire?! LOL! What an idiot!!
4. In a Rut-gers (1-3)
In the midst of all these Power 5 interlopers, it's good to see a familiar face. The past two weeks, Rutgers has been punched in that face by a pair of former Bottom 10 regulars, the Artist Formerly Known as the Kansas Nayhawks(2-2) and the Buffalo Bulls Not Bills (4-0). Rutgers isn't a former regular. It's still just a regular regular. Because you can't spell regular without R and U.
5. #GoACC Coastal
It would have been easy to simply plug Virginia Tech into the Coveted Fifth Spot all by itself. But VT is located in the ACC Coastal, the spaghetti pile of Power 5 divisions that includes the No-kies (2-1), the UNC Achilles Heels (1-2) and the Georgia Tech Not State Or Southern Shambling Wreck (1-3). Someone's gonna have to win this division ... and the reward will be to stand on the railroad tracks in front of Clemson. That's no fun. Right, Wreck?
6. Good Ol' Rocky Slop (2-2)
You might say Jeremy Pruitt should be worried about guys leaving the team midgame or losing to Florida by 26 points. But he's not worried. He's too busy enjoying his delicious water.
7. Pur-don't (1-3)
With three teams ranked, the Big Ten is the Sun Belt of the Power 5 Bottom 10. The B1G Belt. And guess who visits Nebraska this weekend?!
8. Ore-gone State (1-3)
Oregon State lost to Arizona by 20-something points, while Oregon blew a 20-something-point lead to Stanford and the collective blood pressure of the average Beaver State college football fan increased by 20-something points.
9. Flori-duh State (2-2)
The Semi-nos aren't in the ACC Coastal, they just act like it. If you're scoring at home (and we are), FSU lost to Virginia Tech, who lost to Old Dominion, who lost to Charlotte. Remember way back when the Louisville-Florida State game was primetime appointment television? Like, the last couple of years? This year, it will be streaming live on MySpace.
10. UTEPID (0-4)
Sorry, but we can't have a game between the top (bottom) ranked teams and not have the loser of that game appear in these rankings, no matter how high (low) concept they may be. The Minors lost to Whew Mexico State in Pillow Fight of the Century of the Year. We would suggest that they could play one of our Power 5 Bottom 10 teams in a bad postseason bowl game, but they've already played Tennessee and lost, and that's punishment enough.
Waiting List: Whew Mexico State (1-4), Texas State Armadillos (1-3), R-O-C-K in the UTSA (1-3), Central Michigan Chippy-was (1-3), U-Can't (1-3), Western Kentucky Hillstoppers (1-3), Minute Rice (1-3), San No-Se State (0-3), Coloraduh State (1-4), half of all #MACtion
http://www.espn.com/college-footbal...rs-tennessee-volunteers-all-power-5-bottom-10
A special all-Power 5 Bottom 10
Its 56-10 loss to Michigan was the worst beatdown in Nebraska history since July 27, 1804, when, according to the journal of Lewis & Clark, the explorers were run out of their campsite near future Omaha by "a thick and troublesome" cloud of mosquitoes. 'Twas the 19th century ancestor of Cornhusker postgame call-in shows.
UCLA didn't play in Week 3, yet still failed to cover the spread, losing 21-3 to the Fightin' Byes of Open Date U.
Hey, who was that genius who spent all spring telling everyone that the Hogs made college football's best sneaky offseason coaching hire?! LOL! What an idiot!!
In the midst of all these Power 5 interlopers, it's good to see a familiar face. The past two weeks, Rutgers has been punched in that face by a pair of former Bottom 10 regulars, the Artist Formerly Known as the Kansas Nayhawks(2-2) and the Buffalo Bulls Not Bills (4-0). Rutgers isn't a former regular. It's still just a regular regular. Because you can't spell regular without R and U.
It would have been easy to simply plug Virginia Tech into the Coveted Fifth Spot all by itself. But VT is located in the ACC Coastal, the spaghetti pile of Power 5 divisions that includes the No-kies (2-1), the UNC Achilles Heels (1-2) and the Georgia Tech Not State Or Southern Shambling Wreck (1-3). Someone's gonna have to win this division ... and the reward will be to stand on the railroad tracks in front of Clemson. That's no fun. Right, Wreck?
You might say Jeremy Pruitt should be worried about guys leaving the team midgame or losing to Florida by 26 points. But he's not worried. He's too busy enjoying his delicious water.
With three teams ranked, the Big Ten is the Sun Belt of the Power 5 Bottom 10. The B1G Belt. And guess who visits Nebraska this weekend?!
Oregon State lost to Arizona by 20-something points, while Oregon blew a 20-something-point lead to Stanford and the collective blood pressure of the average Beaver State college football fan increased by 20-something points.
The Semi-nos aren't in the ACC Coastal, they just act like it. If you're scoring at home (and we are), FSU lost to Virginia Tech, who lost to Old Dominion, who lost to Charlotte. Remember way back when the Louisville-Florida State game was primetime appointment television? Like, the last couple of years? This year, it will be streaming live on MySpace.
Sorry, but we can't have a game between the top (bottom) ranked teams and not have the loser of that game appear in these rankings, no matter how high (low) concept they may be. The Minors lost to Whew Mexico State in Pillow Fight of the Century of the Year. We would suggest that they could play one of our Power 5 Bottom 10 teams in a bad postseason bowl game, but they've already played Tennessee and lost, and that's punishment enough.
Waiting List: Whew Mexico State (1-4), Texas State Armadillos (1-3), R-O-C-K in the UTSA (1-3), Central Michigan Chippy-was (1-3), U-Can't (1-3), Western Kentucky Hillstoppers (1-3), Minute Rice (1-3), San No-Se State (0-3), Coloraduh State (1-4), half of all #MACtion
http://www.espn.com/college-footbal...rs-tennessee-volunteers-all-power-5-bottom-10
